MrNepathy's Blog

Before I launch into my case against Nintendo fan boys, I have to say a few things first. I grew up on Nintendo. After the Atari 2600, the Nintendo was the next console I had. I played Zelda on the gold cartridge and subscribed to Nintendo Power to get a free copy of Dragon Warrior. My brother and I slaughtered many a gold golem to earn money for better swords and armor. I believe the first Final Fantasy game I played was on a Nintendo system. I’ve owned the Nintendo, Super Nintendo, Nintendo 64 and still have a GameCube somewhere in the basement. I have a Wii though ever since I stopped using Wii Fit, my Wii has been pretty much dormant. It got moved out of the way during the Oscar Party at my house and it’s still tucked away to the side and practically out of sight. Though I don’t play the Wii, I cannot argue against the Wii’s success or the brilliance behind its design and marketing. The problem with the Wii is it’s meant for everyone, not hard core gamers. So it sold millions of consoles to nursing homes and adults who would not have considered buying any other system. Your Uncle Roger probably has it and he probably has Wii Resort. Meanwhile Microsoft and Sony are selling the latest Call of Duty game to KingStabber74 and XNinjaSniperX who are probably your cousins.

My problem with Nintendo isn’t that it’s a bad company or that it doesn’t know what it’s doing because clearly by the sales figures for the DS and the Wii, Nintendo knows how to move product. The issue is the sort of unwarranted status Nintendo has earned. In a recent series of articles IGN.com is listing the 100 best video game villains of all time. Mario made the list. That’s right, Mario. He’s holding Donkey Kong hostage in Donkey Kong Jr. which is an arcade game that’s basically Donkey Kong with a few tweaks. If any of you played it, you know there’s no personality given to Mario. He’s just a guy throwing things. Putting Mario on the list would be like putting the alligator from Pitfall on the list. Or the blue car from Frogger. Granted Coily from Q-bert is on the list, but Coily at least appeared in a cartoon as a villain. Mario is an icon of video games and he’s probably to video games what Mickey Mouse is to cartoons, but one of the 100 best villains of all time? He’s barely a villain and in the brief time he is, he does nothing. Switchblade, one of the cars from Spyhunter, might as well be on the list. Sometimes I think Mario would show up on a top 10 list of “Great Video Game Characters that Aren’t Named Mario.”

The list hasn’t been completely published yet, but you can bet Bowzer will be high on it. Probably the brain thing from Metroid will be as well. It’s a brain in a jar, not exactly Darth Vader. While it cannot be denied that Bowzer is a famous villain, is he a great villain? He doesn’t say much, his plans are usually stupid and he’s not particularly scary. Also there’s the pouting. Wario will probably be on the list too. Not saying they don’t deserve to be on the list, but how high? Not very in my opinion.

In another list Game Informer published its picks for the top 100 games of all time. The Mario Sudoku game made the list. I’m sure if Mario Says Let’s Potty Train were a game, it would be on there too. Every Zelda game ever made was on the list. That includes Majora’s Mask by the way. Zelda games aren’t bad, but they’re linear and repetitive. Go into dungeon, get special item, use special item to defeat boss. Lather, rinse, repeat. You always get the same special items. Link never talks so you never get a sense of what kind of hero he is. Nintendo usually has largely silent heroes. They might say, “It’s a me, Mario” or “Suck it brain jar creature” but that’s about it. Each Nintendo franchise is based upon repeating things from previous games. Metroid games? Go into area, get the item you got each time in the previous games, backtrack and kill boss. Really Samus if you lose your powers every time your ship leaves port, you’re kind of dumb. Maybe you should lock “roll bomb” in the glove compartment.

Nostalgia just isn’t enough for me to lay accolades at Nintendo’s feet. Nintendo makes things that people can enjoy but that doesn’t mean they’re the best things around. It would have been like giving Avatar the Oscar for Best Picture. Sure it’s an entertaining, visually stimulating film, but it lacks the soul or substance of weightier films. McDonald’s sells millions of burgers, but they’re not the best burgers on the planet. McDonald’s makes enjoyable food that’s accessible and familiar. Nintendo does the same thing with video games.

True villains and heroes require something more than being consistent especially when the most consistent thing about them is stupidity. By the way Bowzer, learn to protect your tail. Defeating Bowzer is a lot like beating a four year old at a game of 80s trivia. I think a large part of being a great villain is personality. It’s not innate power. Look at the Joker in Dark Knight. He doesn’t have any special powers but he’s one of the best on-screen villains in decades. Also I don’t think “big villain” means “cool villain.” There’s a difference between a fun boss fight and a great character. The giant creature in Resistance 2 is fun to fight, but it’s not a villain. It doesn’t scheme or talk to the player, it just smashes things.

My top ten video game villains:

10. The Origami Killer from Heavy Rain – While the game has some plot holes or red herrings that are never explained, the Origami Killer puts the protagonists through some twisted events. The first time I played through the game the Origami Killer killed one of the playable characters and escaped. Losing the character was disappointing since I liked him, but more disappointing was the killer’s escape. He was a villain I wanted to catch.

9. Psycho Mantis from Metal Gear Solid – This is probably the most ingenious boss fight of all time. This fight broke the “fourth wall,” admitted it was a video game and then used that to its advantage. Of course this would have all failed if Psycho Mantis weren’t also a cool villain.

8. The Clown from Dead Rising – All right, he gets bonus points for being a clown because those things are creepy to me. But if you play that game and listen to him, or chase him around, at the end you really want to kill him… or hide in a corner and suck your thumb like I did. Zombie + clown + two chainsaws? Ugh. Apparently he did not learn from the Tremor Brothers however.

7. Andrew Ryan from Bioshock – Though in many ways not the “main” villain in Bioshock, Andrew Ryan created a dystopia filled with humanity gone wrong. Just for putting together that collection of freaks he should get onto this list. The game is filled with eerie moments that he’s partially responsible for, like the plastic surgeon bent on making a perfect beauty or the weird Big Daddy/Little Sister pairings.

6. Mister Burke from Fallout 3 – Mister Burke does the dirty work for Allistair Tenpenny. While ultimately it’s Allistair’s plan, it’s Mister Burke that makes the plan happen. And that plan is… blow up the city of Megaton. Why? It’s an eyesore from the penthouse of Tenpenny Tower. Burke is cold, calculating and evil, plus he wears a nice suit even after the apocalypse. That’s style.

5. The villain from Summoner – He starts off as your teacher and sends you on a series of quests to collect rings of summoning in order to thwart the evil king. When you have them all he sends you to a special blacksmith where a magical fire helps forge special weapons. Your teacher tells you that if you put your hand into the fire, you will be imbued with magic and have the power to defeat the king. What actually happens is what happens when anyone sticks their hand into a super hot flame. The teacher was working for the king and thus your hand is gone. You are a dupe.

4. Revolver Ocelot from the Metal Gear series – When I started a “gunslinger” in Star Wars Galaxies, I put him in a duster coat, slacks and a red shirt so that I could look like Revolver Ocelot… if Revolver Ocelot were a Rodian. There’s something gentlemanly and cool about this character. He doesn’t turn into bees or lift trucks like other characters in the series, he just has revolvers and a desire to use them on Snake.

3. Kain from the Soul Reaver series – Kain is a powerful vampire and leads a vampire clan. When his lieutenant, Raziel, evolves faster than him, he has Raziel thrown into a pit of torment for all eternity. Thus begins Raziel’s quest. As you play through the game you learn of a group of knights that once fought the vampires. They were brave, noble sorts. When you reach their crypt you find something horrible, the name Sir Raziel written on a headstone. Not only do you see Raziel was a knight in his human life, but all of your vampire brothers were knights as well. Kain slaughtered the knights and as retribution, turned them to vampires. Also in the game where you play as Kain, you can throw people off of cliffs, which really is fun.

2. Saren from Mass Effect – Many villains believe themselves to actually be good guys and Saren is no exception. He makes a deal with the Reapers in order to try to save humanity. Of course it would mean servitude, but servitude beats death right? A lot of things go wrong, as they tend to do when pacts are made with evil forces, and governments and planets are ripped asunder. People die, there’s chaos, etc. Saren isn’t powerful, though fighting him is tricky. The interesting part is that if you have a high enough intimidation skill, you can persuade Saren that he was wrong and he’ll take his own life. He’s a villain with some remorse.

1.       Sephiroth from Final Fantasy VII – I know it’s an easy pick, but as someone once remarked in Sports Night it’s not my goal to trick you. Sephiroth has his own theme song. Outside of “The Imperial March” his theme song is the best evil theme song around. Like Saren, Sephiroth is a fallen hero. He fell hard. When I first saw Advent Children, I figured he would be returning, but there was still a slight shiver when he Kadaj becomes Sephiroth, looks up and says, “Hello Cloud.” Even without his appearance in the film, he would be on this list in this position. As you play through the game you learn his motivations and while twisted, there is something to them. He’s a villain that when defeated you feel like you have done something in both terms of accomplishment and in deed.